This evening I gave my ‘letter’ to Mistress R and kissed her feet while she read it. I must admit I was nervous about how she might react to some of it, but in the end she seemed to really love what I had written. Here are some parts of what I wrote:
“I am writing this at 2:40am (Sunday morning), because I feel absolutely compelled to write these thoughts down right now, and to not allow them to fade by morning. This has been such a wonderful day and reinforced how much I love and adore you and how lucky I am to spend my life with you. I really could not be happier. I have never felt more certain in our marriage and that I want to spend every last day I have with you as my wife and Mistress.
A few minutes ago you came to bed and I tried so hard to tell you exactly what I was feeling, but I simply couldn’t make the words come out. But I don’t want to let this feeling pass without telling you exactly what is in my head, because I feel it so strongly.
I know full well that you may read this and it may change nothing, that things may carry on exactly as before, and if that is what you decide as my Mistress then I will accept that and be truly grateful for it, because believe me I know and appreciate how lucky I am to be able to live as we do and to have you as my chastity Mistress.
When you came to bed I was so hard, and so desperate to hold you and feel you pressed against me, and to feel your beautiful, soft skin against my aching cock. I cannot tell you how intense it feels to be denied for weeks and to crave your touch so badly. After five years and more of being your chastity slave I adore feeling this level of horniness, and as so many others in my position have said before, though we all crave the explosive release of a proper orgasm, equally we all learn to dread it, because we all know how long it takes to rebuild this level of ache and desire.
I love that you control my orgasms, I can’t tell you how much I love that you do that for me, and I wouldn’t wish to take anything away from you regarding your power to decide when, how and indeed ‘if’. But I want you to know that I am ready and willing to give you absolute power to deny me indefinitely should you decide you want that to happen. If you were to decide that all future orgasms are to be ruined, and that I am to be left in a permanent (or perhaps a semi-permanent) state of ache for you, then I am so ready to accept that and to love and worship you for it.
Equally, I can’t tell you how badly I crave for you to be sexually ‘mean’ to me. When you slapped my balls earlier, I loved that you did it so hard. I actually wondered if you were planning to make me cum by slapping my balls, and I really didn’t want it to stop. I appreciate that it’s hard to overcome a natural reluctance to ‘hurt’ someone you love (I would find it very difficult to ‘hurt’ you no matter how badly you might ask me to) and that alcohol maybe makes it easier to let go, I know you have slowly pushed further in this area and I just want to reinforce that I genuinely love it and want you to keep pushing as far and as fast as you feel comfortable.
Also, it’s hard to quantify or explain this to you, but the non-physical side of being ‘mean’ is also a huge turn on. Even just feeling that you are enjoying slapping my balls or ruining my orgasms makes a huge difference, and that doesn’t mean I want you to ‘pretend’, but equally I want to reassure you that I love it and that I want you to let go of any remaining feelings of guilt you may have about doing it. Just hearing you say how much you love seeing my cock when it’s throbbing hard and red from being teased and whipped is like heaven to me.
As I said before, I know that you may read this and maybe you will decide to go on exactly as before, and that would still be wonderful. Please do not think I am complaining or unhappy in any way, I am 100% deliriously happy to be your chastity slave and I totally understand if you feel uncomfortable going beyond a certain point or level of this. I completely worship you and I want you to be 100% happy with everything. I just had to get this off my chest, because I so wanted to tell you all this earlier and I just couldn’t verbalise it.
It’s 4am now and I’m going to be so tired tomorrow now, but I just had to get up and write this down. Please, please, please don’t take anything negative from this, you are already amazing and wonderful and I could not love you any more than I do.”
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“As I lay in bed this morning, desperately trying to get back to sleep and feeling rough in the way that you only can when you’ve seen the clock reading 4am, a million thoughts were swirling around my head. There is so much more I want to say to you and want you to know.
I wish that you could truly understand how I feel about you and how you make me feel. I know everyone is self-critical about their appearance, no matter how perfect they are to someone else, but I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Honestly, I only have to see you sitting reading with your feet bare and I want to kiss them. I don’t want to be annoying so I don’t do it every time I see you like that (in fact I probably hold myself back far too often), but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to.
Similarly every time I see you naked after you shower, or every time you take off your dressing gown to get into bed I want to touch you and kiss you all over and make you feel adored. But again, I don’t want to be annoying and I know you might be tired or rushing because dinner’s ready at 6:30, but that’s what I’m thinking.
Even when you are jumping up and down and hot and sweaty in your sexy little shorts and vest top, you still look completely gorgeous to me and I still want to kiss every inch of your skin, taste your pussy and ass and worship your beautiful feet. I seriously would, in a heartbeat. There is not a moment when I wouldn’t drop everything to make you feel completely worshipped if you asked me to (‘told’ would be better, obviously…). I mean, honestly, I know no-one can walk around feeling worshipped and adored 24hrs a day, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to.
And finally, I want to re-iterate again how much I love your scent and taste. There is not a moment that I don’t want to taste you, and I hope one day you will feel comfortable in not having ‘down-time’ anymore. I want you to have complete freedom to cum whenever you want, and I feel sure you would taste just as gorgeous no matter what.”
I really loved how she reacted to this letter and I’m very happy that she knows how I feel about all sorts of things, not least that I would be happy for her to move on to either a permanent or semi-permanent state of chastity (ie – only ruined orgasms for me if that’s what she wants).
After she read this she caught up on my blog posts and unexpectedly came across something I’d forgotten about – the bit about the Elastrator… so I had to try and explain what it was, that was… slightly awkward, seeing as I wrote that I thought it was strangely erotic! Still, it’s not really the basic idea, it’s how it’s used as a tool for power exchange – such as in the video I linked to…
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