Last night Mistress and I had a really productive conversation about my story 'How to Break Your Man'. You see on Sunday, after she'd read it she said it made her feel uncomfortable and yesterday she explained that the reason she felt so weird about it was because it wasn't some random story off the internet, it was something that I had written, so it was more 'personal' (not least because I posted the other day that I thought Rick was an exaggerated version of me, with a Mistress he wanted to be less 'playful' and more 'strict' and 'mean').
Now that she has explained that to me I can see why it affected her the way it did and I will bear that in mind if I write any more stories like that in future. Not that I am going to censor what I write, but I will be more mindful of how it might make Mistress feel if I do.
I guess the problem with the story as it relates to us is that it is kind of a hybrid between our reality and complete fantasy (albeit more on the fantasy side really), but it's not at all clear where one starts and one ends. So Mistress obviously reading that would perhaps pick up on something that she thinks I want in our relationship but there are things written in there that are really just for the sake of the story.
For example, where Amy calls her husband 'bitch' fairly often, Mistress didn't like that very much, because to her it's too 'abusive' (which is fair enough). I explained to her the reason for that was that I didn't want to write another story where it's 'Mistress' and 'slave' because I've done that so many times. So I changed 'Mistress' to 'Miss' and then I was thinking what can she call him. So I chose 'bitch' because it gives the story a bit more edge (which I was really trying to push this time), but I was careful not to overuse it, since it has more impact if it's used sparingly. Like some other things in the story, this is something that wouldn't 'bother' me if Mistress did it in real life, but it's not something I particularly 'want' either. I don't really know if it would turn me on in the heat of the moment because it would depend how it was used, but I don't think I would particularly object to it either.
The other thing that bothered her was Rick's distress when Amy was off with her lovers, which is understandable. I explained to her that 'cuck angst' is a fairly integral part of that lifestyle, but since she doesn't read that kind of story or know too much about that she didn't appreciate that was the case. And once I'd explained it she seemed to brighten a bit. So, as ever, communication is the key.
Thinking about it, from my perspective (apart from the cuckolding, obviously) I don't think there's anything in the story I would really object to in real life (bearing in mind that things are 'exaggerated' for the sake of story telling), otherwise I wouldn't have written it. Actually I don't need to hear that my cock's too small... (I already know that ðŸ˜) and I might bail out if the ball kicking got too intense (or not, maybe we find out someday - note I gave Rick a safeword for this part!) but apart from that I'm struggling to think of anything else in the story where I'd be squealing 'hold on there one second Missy!'
Of course, it's possible I've forgotten something, but I don't think so. And I'm quite happy for her to 'tease' me about anything, including cuckolding, cleaning her / someone else (which she sometimes does already, usually in our sessions), that she doesn't allow me inside her anymore, never letting me cum properly again or pretty much anything else she wants to. Even things we both know she would never actually do.
I suppose the problem is that there are things in there that I know Mistress doesn't like (for example the last sentence - don't want to spoil it for you), but which I wanted in the story. So it really depends on what she's comfortable with, all I can really do is kind of lay out a bunch of things and say any of this is okay, if you want to explore it great, if not that's also fine. Honestly I feel extremely lucky to have a Mistress who is willing to do this with me and I definitely don't resent her for having limits that she doesn't feel comfortable exceeding.
Sure sometimes it can be frustrating if things seem to be progressing way too slowly (or not at all), and we've discussed that in the past (Mistress astutely noted a long time ago that our lifestyle needs some kind of progression to stay exciting). But if Mistress has said that something is a 100% no-go then that's completely okay. Ultimately my goal in all this is to make her feel adored, worshipped and powerful, not uncomfortable and unhappy. But at the same time sometimes progress requires an element of initial discomfort.
Yesterday, before our talk I felt quite... down on my story. Wishing I hadn't written it because it obviously bothered Mistress, and wishing I'd kept the weird shit in my head in my head. But if I'd written another 'tepid' Femdom story, Mistress would have read it, corrected it and nothing would have changed. We wouldn't have talked last night and come out of it feeling better and feeling like we have some fresh impetus.
*****
Last night, I had a confession to make because I touched my cock on Friday morning. Mistress entered the bedroom with a no nonsense attitude and soon had me on my hands and knees on the bed. She picked up the whip and gave me five strokes with that and then six with the red side of the paddle, followed by eight with the black side. The difference from last time wasn't the number of strokes so much as the intensity. The black ones stung and I flinched each time. But I loved that it hurt, I don't want her to go soft on me. It's supposed to be a deterrent after all. And I'll tell you what, it didn't hurt as much as that fucking clothes peg did on my nipple during the last session, that was fucking nasty!
After 19 strokes Mistress asked me if that was enough to remember in future, well of course I said yes (I'm not stupid!), although of course I'm not entirely sure it will be. Later Mistress said she had intended to give me more but she was a little concerned that it was hurting me too much and my ass was starting to get a little red. But once I reassured her she said that next time she will stick to the number she had in mind in the first place and she also said that if I don't keep my hands off my cock my next punishment will be much worse.
I can't tell you how much I LOVED hearing her say that.
After the shit show of last week, with the heat and me cutting my cock while manscaping it never occured to me that Mistress might not unlock me last night after I made her cum. That she very firmly said 'No' made me SO happy, not because I didn't want her to tease me (of course), but because it showed that she didn't feel obliged to 'unlock' me simply because I'd been out of action for a while. That really felt like progress.
As we cuddled and I kissed her neck, Mistress pressed her thigh against my cock and balls which felt really good and eventually she used her foot to play with me a little bit, teasing me about how much I love her feet and how much my cock loves her feet (we both adore her feet beyond all reason). It was really hot. But then she told me I was 'locked up properly', no stroking, no edging... it was wonderful.
I do hope over time that Mistress gradually feels as comfortable with these new possibilities as she does with not allowing me to see her gorgeous breasts that often now. Probably 70-80% of the time we are in bed (not sleeping) she wears a bra and I have to ask for her to remove it and then ask again to be allowed to touch if I want to (understanding that I'm not allowed to ask too often). I'm sure she's noticed how effective that is and how appreciative I am when she does allow me. I don't want to give her ideas... but we do have a very effective blindfold.
Okay maybe I do want to give her ideas... 🤣
But seriously, what I want more than anything is for Mistress to feel like a Queen. I want her to feel completely worshipped and adored and I want her to feel that she can do whatever she wants to do without feeling obliged to do anything and free to explore her mean side completely free of guilt. If she wants to barely touch my cock for three months and then kick my balls until I ruin then I will be grateful for it and obediently lick my cum off her beautiful feet.
She probably doesn't believe that, but it's true. The hard part is convincing her, but I will keep trying.
*****
Literotica has scheduled my new story over the next few days, which is fair enough otherwise it will clog up the 'new stories' page. So far there's just the first chapter, which is currently scoring 4.8/5 having 66 votes and 3.6k views. That's a good start, unfortunately there's no comments as yet, but I'm sure they will come in the later chapters (when it gets a bit cucky!).
Oh, and my latest tease for Milovana 'Katie's Hardcore Edging Trainer' did end up winning the 'Tease of the Month' for June, that's my sixth winner now. It was a close fight though, I think I had 17 votes and the second place one had 15, and at one point I was 3 votes down.
