Over at 'I'm Hers' blog, there's a post discussing the problems that can arise during PIV sex with a chaste man. The thrust of the post was a request for advice from a woman who was slightly frustrated with her husband's inability to hold back until she was satisfied, I'm sure you've all seen similar posts before and the answers were as unsatisfactory as they were predictable (including my own comment I hasten to add!).
It is a problem though, and perhaps one that people don't really think about 'before' entering into the chastity lifestyle. There are some (perhaps younger) people who do seem able to cope with this reasonably well, but for the majority of examples I've come across, it's usually the case that any male who has been denied for any length of time will find penetrative sex difficult.
There are things you can do to make it better, the simplest and probably most practical is simply for the woman to go on top. I know from my own experience that this works pretty well as I can last much longer on my back then I can on top (assuming I can get hard in the first place of course), and realistically the problem with being on top for a guy is that it's hard to break the desire to go faster and harder, and that's a one way ticket to the edge.
This is probably harder on those couples who have got used to the idea that the woman orgasms from penetration during their sex life before chastity, whereas for those of us like Mistress R and I, this was never the case anyway... but that doesn't mean it's not mentally troubling for the chaste male. In fact it's not that much different from ED, since one way or another it represents a 'failure to perform' as required.
All bar one of Mistress's orgasms over the last eight years have been facilitated by my tongue, and actually it goes back way before even that. As a matter of fact I've never experienced a woman cumming with my cock inside her, but then I've only had sex with two women and one of those barely even counts. No really, it really barely even counted... but that's ancient history.
One of the things that appealed to me about chastity when I first came across it was that it offered a long term solution to a problem that many men face as they get older and a way to ensure (hopefully) that 'sex' continued even when/if I became incapable. The way I see it, sex is a pretty important part of our relationship. We've never had children* and we've barely ever gone more than about ten days without sex of some kind, and certainly not in the last fifteen years.
*I mention this only because it seems a given that childbirth is the number one cause of disruption to a regular sex life!
Even then, if we go more than a week we start to feel disconnected. So I was excited to explore any option that prolonged our closeness, especially since I have to contend with periods of numbness from my back operation which can make getting and staying hard difficult. Incidentally, this is where my scepticism about the use of numbing creams comes in... I get the theory, but I have my doubts that once numbed it would be that easy to get hard. I guess you could use a cock ring and a pump though, that would probably work...?
So I know that Mistress doesn't 'need' my cock to achieve satisfaction, and she's not seemingly overly concerned with penetration - in the past she told me it was something she does for me. And I am totally focused on her pleasure, believe me. But that doesn't mitigate the frustration I feel when I have 'problems'. And (to a lesser degree) I had those same frustrations when I was on top and struggling to hold back, and I wasn't even trying to hold back long enough to make my Mistress cum!
The point I'm trying to make is that there's more to this chastity business than simply accepting that 'she' decides when you get to cum. Sometimes it can feel like you've just swapped one set of problems for another and it's unrealistic to expect that you can live like this for years without having periods where you question your decision. For me this happens now and again, sometimes it's because we aren't having our Femdom sessions regularly enough and I feel that to me this is a package deal. To me chastity is an extension of Femdom. Right at the start Mistress and I agreed that we didn't want a 24/7/365 Femdom lifestyle, well... to be honest in my enthusiastic naivety I may have hoped for that, but realistically I wouldn't have liked it because it wouldn't have been what I imagined it was. And with the benefit of hindsight I can see that would have to be something that both parties were 100% behind.
Regardless, to me chastity is a continuation of 'control' and gives me that feeling of submission I crave without burdening Mistress with the need to 'dominate' me constantly. The problem is that this only takes things so far and the sessions are a way to top me up (if you get my drift). When the sessions stop happening (which is often my fault it must be said) chastity on it's own can seem an inadequate substitute and that's usually when I start to question if I want it to continue on indefinitely.
That's what I meant the other day when I said the session had drawn a line under some negative thoughts I'd been having, it's just taken me a while to get this down because my thought process wasn't (and isn't) fully formed. This isn't something I think about logically I hasten to add, it's taken me a week or more to get it this structured and even now it doesn't seem entirely accurate... I'm just trying to make sense of the way I feel sometimes...
The bottom line is, I want my Mistress to be happy. I want her to feel content and satisfied in every way that I can. I love being able to make her cum with my tongue, not least because I never have to worry about that, it works, every time, my tongue has never failed to function as required. I wish I could say the same about my cock, but I can't... and it really bums me out sometimes, not least because I don't want my Mistress to feel that it's anything to do with her.
One thing I really love is watching Mistress masturbate, it's something I rarely get to see, it's almost always in our Femdom sessions when she uses her glass dildo on herself. Indeed Mistress has put it on my list of weight loss treats, and when I get to that point I will definitely be choosing that and probably more than once. But I'm pretty sure that unless Mistress allows me to touch my cock while I am watching her, I may not get hard, and even if I do it probably won't stay hard without being touched. When I was younger it may have been a different story, but it doesn't reflect on her or how I feel about watching her pleasure herself.
I feel like I'm rambling now, and largely without an over arching point... so to bring it back to what I was saying in the first place, chastity can be a very positive choice, but it has it's own problems and dilemmas too, and one of those is that you kind of need to accept that by taking the chastity route, you are swapping one kind of sex life for another, one that is focussed on the woman's pleasure yes, but one which requires an adjustment of expectations also.
I kind of feel like this post is incomplete and the truth is it's very late and I'm very tired, but I wanted to get something down... I hope it makes some sort of sense in the morning!
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