Last night Mistress and I visited her cousin for the evening and got home quite late. Inevitably the house was warm when we got back and we opened all the windows to try and get some air in before we went to sleep. I think Mistress eventually went to bed about 2:30AM or something like that but I foolishly got involved in trying to finish a story and went past feeling tired...
I eventually forced myself to go to bed at 3:50AM, just as it was starting to get light! F.F.S.
Great idea. Not. So not only is my back hurting today but I am also incredibly tired too!
On the plus side I did pretty much complete one of two stories that I'm focussing on trying to finish, albeit I woke up this morning thinking 'maybe I should rewrite it', which is annoying because I was planning on posting it here today. Gah.
As I return to my folder of unfinished work, it continues to surprise (and somewhat baffle) me that I find stories that are 95% complete and almost ready to be published. But on the other hand, I read parts and wonder whether I never quite finished them because there's things in them that...
Okay, I've mentioned before that I usually get Mistress to proof read my stories, because she has a really good eye for detail and a misused apostrophe, whereas I, well I'm more 'creative', I guess. Not that I can't spell, you understand, I think I have a decent grasp of the English language, but Mistress reads a lot of fiction and also I think it's easier to check something you didn't write because your brain doesn't 'make sense of it' the same way.
The thing is, and I've mentioned this before here, that for a long time I've been 'trying' to change my approach to writing because I have a tendency to 'hold back' when I write. Not always, admittedly, but most often I tend to write what feel like 'first chapters' of longer stories that never get written... because progressing the story would mean changing my language from 'fantasy' to 'reality'.
Like for instance, in a lot of my Femdom stories, the woman will 'tell' the submissive male that she's 'going to do this and that', but it's quite unusual for me to actually write about that threat being followed through. And I can't help thinking it's because I'm uneasy about Mistress reading these stories and putting two and two together and making five.
Which is stupid because we've had this conversation many times where Mistress has assured me that she understands that stories are not reality, and just because I write about something doesn't mean she thinks I want that to happen in real life. But then again (obviously) there are a lot of quite extreme (by vanilla standards at least) things in these stories that do turn me on, otherwise I wouldn't write them. So it's... complicated.
For example, hard CBT can be as hot as hell to read (or watch), but I know I have a fairly low limit on what I can actually take (how that guy in those Femdom Empire videos can take being kicked in the balls for ten minutes straight I do not know, he must really love his job 🤣). Still if Mistress was to whisper to me that she was going to crush my balls with her beautiful feet I would probably edge in seconds! And in our Femdom sessions she's occasionally said some really dirty things that made my cock throb like hell (like telling me she would make me clean another's cum out of her, or make me suck a cock that had been in her ass, things like that) so it's not like she's remotely prudish!
By contrast, there is a story which lives in my 'project folder' which contains an element of cross dressing, something I have zero interest in in real life. It's hard to explain why without basically describing the whole plot of the story, but basically this results in an incriminating photo being taken and, well I'm sure you can guess the rest...
Crucially, the cross dressing in this story (which is actually very brief) is simply a means to an end, a device which transfers the power from the male sub to his wife and removes his control. So while I don't have any interest in cross dressing itself, the fact that his wife can make him do whatever she wants because she has this compromising photo of him (and he knows it) is really hot.
But again, I am cautious about finishing this story and passing it to Mistress for proof reading because even though I know she knows I have no interest in being 'feminized' I still kinda worry that she will wonder why I am writing about this.
It's curious because when I read my older stories (the ones I wrote as Malibuman666 particularly) I find them to be harder in their content, and yet I know Mistress proof read those for me back in the day, so quite why I gradually imposed these limits on myself I'm not really sure.
Perhaps as our sex-life changed from being vanilla with a sprinkling of Femdom and Chastity, to full time chastity and now pretty much full time Femdom too, I've become more sensitive about scaring Mistress off and making her retreat. After all we've come so far now and when I wrote those older stories the boundary between how we were living and what I was writing was much more clearly defined.
Yeah, maybe that's it. Like I suppose if I wrote a story about taking heroin, then Mistress (knowing that I've never even smoked a joint) wouldn't give it a second thought, but let's say if I was already dabbling in cocaine at the weekends she might be a little concerned.
Anyway... I'm sure most of this is me fretting unnecessarily and pointlessly navel gazing (yet again), and I really just need to finish these bloody stories and if Mistress has concerns about them we can talk it over. Honestly it feels like I've written this post a hundred times already... so apologies for boring you with my insecurities yet again.
Okay, now that I've got that off my chest... Literotica posted my latest story 'Charli's Devoition' yesterday and it's already had 1100 views and currently sits on a score of 4.65/5.0 (which means it has a HOT rating), it's also attracted one lovely comment which I will leave you with now...
by PerfectBoy7719 (11 hours ago)
Wonderful. I love the recognition that what Charli desires most is to serve and be denied her own pleasure. And I love that that's the very thing that Elise considers denying her, and makes her beg for. And even when she grants it, it's with conditions. True domination.
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