Collared Michael said: You have mentioned the nerve damage you suffered many times–but I’ve never read a post about it. Do you have one? If not it might make a good one.
As Michael said, I have mentioned the nerve damage I suffered several times, and if people are interested then I guess I’ll write and if only Collared Michael reads it, well… okay!
I guess it started in the late 90s. I started getting problems with my back and I remember around 2000/2001 being in a lot of pain sometimes. We had a holiday planned, and it was really, really bad – but I didn’t want to blow the holiday off, I remember driving to Bath (I think it was) with cushions around my legs in the car, and then I remember stumbling off the pavement because my legs would give way.
But these were ‘episodes’ that would come and go, it wasn’t until 2007 when things went really wrong. I remember one night I was in a lot of pain and I went downstairs and was watching ‘Amelie’ with the sound off at 1am because I didn’t want to wake Mistress R (it’s subtitled anyway, so not a problem) and I got this immense pain like I’ve never felt before or since. I remember lying on the floor in agony not knowing what the hell was wrong with me, and going to the doctor the next day.
He referred me to a specialist and said that if I could possibly afford it he strongly recommended I pay to be seen quickly. I did and saw the specialist the next day. After he talked to me he told me I needed an MRI scan immediately, and again that I should pay to get it done. He told me a place to get it done cheaper – which was lucky because locally it was £750 and I drove to Birmingham the next day to get it done.
Basically what had happened was that a piece of something had broken off my spine and fallen into the cavity where the nerves run. I think it was a piece of disc. Anyway, I went back to the specialist and he said I needed an operation quickly, but fortunately now that I had been diagnosed the NHS would take over and I wouldn’t have to pay for it (and because it was an emergency it would be done quickly).
This was a few days before Christmas, and I foolishly assumed nothing would happen until the New Year. So on the Christmas Eve we visited my family and when I got home there was a message for me from the hospital saying where the hell were we and that I needed to get to the hospital in Nottingham immediately.
The problem was that I couldn’t take my car (because I wouldn’t be able to drive it back) and everyone in the family had been drinking. Fortunately Mistress R’s brother was okay and so he took us to hospital and brought Mistress R home.
I remember still being awake at 3am and having blood taken and a nurse bringing me a document to sign, which was basically a consent form for the operation. The small print of this form basically told me there was a 2 in 100 chance that the operation would be unsuccessful and that I would be paralyzed.
Not good. But no choice, because if you don’t do the operation then you’re definitely going to be paralyzed…
I remember going to theatre and having two trainee anesthetists standing over me, while the guy who actually knew what he was doing asked them questions about what sort of drugs I should get. Then there was a needle and I was out in two seconds flat.
I woke up hours later, very groggy. Anesthesia does not agree with me at all, and it took me about 24 hours to wake up properly. I remember waking up the first time, moving my toes and then going back to sleep satisfied that I wasn’t going to be in a wheelchair.
Mistress R came to see me but I kept falling asleep, and then I was supposed to go home the next day, but they wouldn’t let me leave because my temperature was too high. That night I spent an hour on the phone to Mistress R, which was worth every penny of the exorbitant charges.
Finally the next day I was allowed home, although to be honest I was about ready to check myself out anyway. When I got home I was freezing cold, probably because the hospital was so over-heated! And I couldn’t have a shower for a day or so because of my dressings. I also had a beard, which Mistress R couldn’t wait to get rid off. I did take a picture with my beard though… I looked like hell.
I was off work for 5 weeks or something, which was okay. I wish I’d used the time more usefully, but unfortunately I pretty much wasted it.
Once I had recovered I had to do exercises to maintain flexibility, but I was okay, except for the nerve damage which meant my right foot feels numb a lot of the time. If I’m tired or run down it gets worse and sometimes (like recently) the numbness extends to parts of my leg and groin, which is why I sometimes talk about not being able to tell if I’m hard or not. I can feel the pleasure of being stroked, but I can’t be sure how hard my cock is if I can’t see it. It sucks, but at least I’m not in a wheelchair… sometimes I have to remind myself that I’m actually quite lucky, because naturally I resent the nerve damage – as anyone would.
I had a physiotherapist, who basically told me that it would improve over the next 18 months, but they couldn’t say how much, and that once it got to 18 months that was it, it wouldn’t ever get any better. It did improve quite a bit from where it started but it’s still pretty bad, I’ve only just managed to walk on a treadmill without holding on the sides in the last couple of years and I don’t think I could run on a treadmill without falling off.
The numbness in my foot makes balance tricky, I can run on the road fine, but for some reason a treadmill is harder to work with. Occasionally when my foot feels really numb it can make driving a bit hard as well, because you can’t feel the accelerator properly. So it’s important to try not to let myself get too tired.
Of course, one thing I could do to help myself is lose weight, which I’ve been sporadically successful with over the years, but generally I end up back where I started, which is frustrating. I am currently making a big effort though and hopefully by Christmas I will have shed a good chunk of weight (20-28lb all being well). I’m also doing exercise and lifting weights to try and help with this, and that seems to be going well so far. I feel like I’m in a good place to make a difference this time, and I really want to do this for Mistress R more than anything. She’s far too gorgeous to have a fat husband, and I hate the strain it creates between us when I have problems that could be helped (if not completely eradicated) if I lost weight.
I’m now trying very hard to contain my frustration when it doesn’t go right, because I don’t want it to taint Mistress’s pleasure. The last thing I want is for her to feel she doesn’t want me to worship her pussy because she doesn’t want to deal with my frustration if I can’t get hard or whatever afterwards.
Realistically, we’ve probably got to accept that there are going to be times when our sex life is going to be very one sided and that the best thing we can do in these times is go with it and focus on making it as good as it can be for her, which in turn makes me feel better too. I genuinely get so much happiness from giving Mistress R pleasure, and I would never want anything to interfere with that. I’d rather give up my own pleasure completely than give up being able to worship her pussy and make her cum, because that is the best thing in the world as far as I’m concerned.
My current problems are only partly to do with the fallout from this operation though, the problem is it seems that as soon as I get any sort of illness that makes me tired and it’s a knock on from there… and I haven’t been feeling well for a month now. I’m supposed to have a heart monitor for 24hrs soon so we’ll see what happens there. It’s doubly annoying because right before this all started I was harder than ever and thought things were really looking up!
Well, if you have read this, thanks for taking an interest. I hope I’ve explained my nerve damage problems well and that you now understand the difficulties they cause.
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