I wouldn't say I'm dreading it, but the thought of Mistress ending my current period of chastity (now standing at 106 days) certainly leaves me with mixed emotions. I know, in the moment, it will be intense and explosive and for the short period of time that I'm getting close, actually cumming and then cleaning my cum up from wherever Mistress decides, it will be amazing... but, I also know that for at least a week after I will feel 'different' and long to feel desperate and denied once again.
I think part of my unusually high level of apprehension right now is that I haven't crested the 100 day mark very often (I think this is only the third, maybe fourth time in 14 years), and the thought of being reset to zero is just a little daunting. Just think, if for some reason Mistress decided to give me a proper orgasm today, it would take until the early days of November to get back to where I am now.
N O V E M B E R !
Fuck.
You know, part of me would love for Mistress to take 'full' orgasms off the table completely; in fact. I'm pretty sure the option was already written into our (long forgotten) chastity contract. But perhaps that would be too proscriptive? After all, Mistress should always have the power to decide and maybe part of the reason I feel the way I do at the moment is that I know that any day it pleases her Mistress could have me crashing back down to zero.
It's funny really, when I am allowed to cum properly, it takes a while to get back into the mindset of wanting to be denied. For the first month or so I generally revert to wanting to be allowed to cum, especially for the first week or two. I find that once I've cum once I really want to be allowed to cum again... but of course Mistress doesn't tend to let me cum again, and so with her wonderful teasing she gradually guides me back to craving denial.
So I guess, taking full orgasms out of the equation altogether wouldn't necessarily be the best idea, because in a way it would take Mistress's power away... and that would never do. Besides, when I think back to how incredibly amazing I felt after my last full orgasm (during our April Femdom session, when Mistress jerked me off over her gorgeous feet and had me lick them clean), well that kinda gives me a different perspective on things.
I guess it's a classic case of wanting what you can't have... when I want to cum, Mistress doesn't let me and when I don't want to cum, Mistress inevitably will, sooner or later. I suppose that's why handing control of your orgasms to someone else is so powerful and why I'm so lucky to have my beautiful Mistress to decide for me.
Ultimately it's Mistress's choice, but I kinda hope she doesn't let me cum too soon. It's not even about beating my previous record, although that would be nice... I just want to stay in this state of arousal and denial for a while longer, like maybe another 100 days. Or longer...
Maybe I could have an orgasm for Christmas? 🤣
Years ago there was a chastity website hosted by Sarah Jameson, it was one of the first websites I came across when I started researching chastity and IIRC she kept her husband denied pretty much constantly (ruined orgasms only in other words) and then once or twice a year she would unlock him and give him a weekend free where he could cum as many times as he possibly could before she locked him back up again. Sounds like a pretty sweet idea, doesn't it?
As I recall they too had a chastity contract, and in it there was a section which she could sign (her husband had already signed it) which effectively meant that he would no longer be allowed full orgasms. I don't know if she ever did sign it, I think perhaps she enjoyed the power of holding that over him too much to actually go through with it... which is kind of what I was saying earlier about the power dynamic isn't it?
Anyway, Mistress will decide what Mistress decides and that's the way it should be. But if we do ever get around to refreshing our chastity contract, I would definitely like that option to be in there. I know I would sign my side in a heartbeat. Just knowing that Mistress could permanently deny me at any moment just by signing her name.... OOF! That's fucking HOT!
Last week I had to confess to some illegal touching and Mistress (rightly) punished me for it as agreed. I felt like such a wuss when I wrote about it before because I just know that some of you out there must have been laughing your asses off at the pitifully low number of strokes I had to endure for multiple infractions. But as I said, I do not enjoy pain for the sake of pain. I like that Mistress has the option to use it, I really like feeling submissive to my Mistress and I like that Mistress enjoys doing it. The only thing is that she feels guilty about it afterwards, and that's a shame.
Last week I had to confess to some illegal touching and Mistress (rightly) punished me for it as agreed. I felt like such a wuss when I wrote about it before because I just know that some of you out there must have been laughing your asses off at the pitifully low number of strokes I had to endure for multiple infractions. But as I said, I do not enjoy pain for the sake of pain. I like that Mistress has the option to use it, I really like feeling submissive to my Mistress and I like that Mistress enjoys doing it. The only thing is that she feels guilty about it afterwards, and that's a shame.
I suppose it's a hurdle many couples have to clear. I know I would struggle if the roles were reversed (or maybe not, who knows... maybe there's a hidden sadist lurking inside of me with all the other perverted characters, hahaha) but since Mistress has a pain threshold of basically zero and apparently no inclination to switch then I'm unlikely to ever find out.
Yes, at the time it hurt, especially the crop, and even now (two days later) my bottom still feels a tiny bit tender. But the pain goes from 100 (my hundred that is, which is like 5 to some of you no doubt) to like 10 in minutes and at the end of the day the whole point is to address poor behaviour on my part. All I have to do to avoid getting punished is behave how I promised to behave, so it's up to me to change isn't it?
What I'm trying to say is, Mistress - please don't feel bad about correcting me, I love that you punished me and didn't 'let me off' (that's the worst thing you could do honestly) and I loved how wet it made your delicious pussy. You know I love giving you pleasure anyway I can and I would gladly let you beat my ass every time if you thought it would make you cum harder. So please just enjoy it and don't ever feel guilty about keeping to your side of our agreement.
Speaking of Sarah Jameson, I've just noticed that she seems to have resurrected her chastity blog. You can visit it here, and immediately I noticed this blog post whch I thought really hit the nail on the head. Sarah really does know what's what and her articles are very insightful, a great read especially for any new converts to chastity and potentially an ideal source for women trying to understand why their husbands/boyfriends/etc want to go down this route.
The last few days I've been working on my latest story, or actually it's mainly been the 'Webtease' version of the same, but the two are kind of intertwined so work on one benefits the other. This story is definitely one of the most powerful I've ever written (or it will be, once I've finished it) and even as I'm working on it I'm like 'Wow, this is fucked up even for me...'. and I must admit I have serious reservations about handing it over to Mistress for her customary final proof read* before I send it off to Literotica.
There's things in it that go way further than I ever have before and while reading it back it gives me that intense 'headachey' feeling I get when I read something really really fucked up that I feel like I shouldn't enjoy reading... but that I'm drawn back to over and over again.
I'm already wondering if this will be the start of a series, since the whole thing is basically laid out for me... I guess I'll wait and see what the reaction is to the first part and take it from there. I am absolutely sure of one thing, I will definitely be posting it in the 'Fetish' section and not 'Loving Wives' because this story would be annihilated there and I think it deserves better than that.
*Funnily enough, Mistress sent me a list of stories she found on Literotica yesterday that she wanted me to print out in a book for her (I've been doing this for years and she has quite a collection now), and... well, reading some of those made me feel slightly better about the 'depraved filth' I am in the process of producing... but I still think it's going to be a little 'uncomfortable' for me!
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