Last night Mistress said something that made me feel really happy. While I had been out at work she had read the two posts I posted yesterday. She was very pleased with my review of our session, and she agreed that yes we do need to come up with some kind of punishment for me for any potential unauthorised touching or edging and not just rely on dealing with it in the session.
She went on to say that even though I hadn't done anything wrong in the last four weeks she still didn't want to give up being able to whip and spank me in the session and therein lies the problem. Also, there's always been the issue that once I break the rule then I might as well keep breaking it until the next session because the punishment will be the same.
But in this instance the thing that made me happy was hearing her vocalize that she didn't want to give up paddling and whipping me. I mean... its not like I don't know she enjoys it, it's clear that she does... but hearing her say it out loud and the way she said it was very reassuring.
I went to bed quite late again (working on another story) and as soon as my head hit the pillow I fell asleep. For all of twenty minutes. After that I was half awake for nearly an hour and my thoughts were occupied by what that punishment for touching myself without permission could be.
In my mind I imagined Mistress standing me at the end of the bed with my jeans around my ankles while she remained fully clothed, explaining to me calmly why she felt it was necessary to correct me. She told me to bend over and put my hands on the bed before delivering twelve very hard swats with the leather side of the paddle, waiting for me to count each and thank her before delivering the next one.
I don't think I've ever fantasized about something like this before, where it's purely 'punishment' with no sexual element. As I've said before I don't enjoy pain for its own sake and I definitely don't enjoy the leather side of the paddle. I like the feeling of submission it provides and I like knowing that Mistress is enjoying it, but the pain itself certainly doesn't turn me on.
So it was very confusing to me when I realised my cock was like an iron bar between my legs. I'm not even joking... it was comically hard, harder than I can ever remember it being without the assistance of a very tight cock ring.
So what the hell does that mean? Am I pain slut now? Fuck!
I mean it's hot from a CFNM/humiliation perspective sure... but I've never been that turned on just thinking about being punished before.
Wouldn't it have been ironic if the ache of thinking about being punished for touching my cock without permission had been the very thing that pushed me over the edge?
Well, thankfully, I managed to resist the temptation and eventually I managed to get to sleep.
Phew.
I really don't think that precludes using that as a proper punishment for me though, because I am 100% sure the reality would not be anything like as hot as the fantasy. Not for me anyway.
You know, I realised something this morning... over the last few weeks I've been feeling less stressed and happier generally. While this is surely in part because of the revival of the Chastity-Femdom part of our marriage... I also think it really helps me that I'm writing stories again.
I am by nature a worrier. If I don't have anything to actively think about when I'm driving or walking then I will surely find something to worry about. So it's really helpful for me to have multiple stories on the go. Only this morning I was driving across town to get weighed (another two pounds gone... I am lighter than I've been for twenty years now) and I was mulling over different ways my latest story could play out. Moreover I went through my writing folder last night and realised I probably have 15 different story ideas in different stages of completion ready to work on... so plenty more to go at, never mind writing sequels to stories I have already published.
Last night I completed another story, which is quite different to the last two incidentally... this was largely written in December 2022, but I have given it a bit of a polish and will run it by Mistress R tonight to make sure it is up to snuff before I send it to Literotica and post it here.
I wonder if perhaps they might send this one back like they did 'The Vice' or another CBT story I wrote?
That never really sat well with me, not least because last night I was trying to find my latest story (Leaving it to Fate) on the site, because in my private author page it was marked 'Published' but it hadn't appeared on my 'public' author page yet... so I went to the Fetish section to see if it was visible and I stumbled across a really nasty, misogynistic story that seemed to me way worse than anything I had ever written.
Something tells me Literotica doesn't mind posting stories like that as long as women are on the receiving end. Interesting that. But then that place is populated by some seriously fucked up people... I mean you only have to look at the comments to see that.
So I think if they decide to send my story (which really isn't that bad) back, I will ask them why it's okay to publish that but not this?
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